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Who do you Choose?

The time has come for Zach and I to make a HUGE decision.
When I say HUGE, I mean GINORMOUS!

Since Zoie is now 16 months old, it has come time for us to change our Last Will and Testament. I know, I know, we probably should have done it months ago or even a year or more ago… but these are hard decisions to make. The hardest of which is “Who gets the privilege of  raising Zoie?”.

There are so many loving people in our lives. People who I know love and care for Zoie. But how do you choose someone to actually raise her if (God Forbid) something should happen to both Zach and I. 

We had our Wills done long before we had Zoie, that would take care of the businesses and the estate and Zach’s kids (who would obviously stay with their mother). Businesses would probably be sold, the house would be sold, various items would be given to each child and the rest sold and the money put to into a trust for each child. 

Much of that is still the same with Zoie now a part of our family… except choosing a person to raise Zoie is one of the hardest decisions I have ever had to make. I can’t imagine my life without her and I can’t imagine her life without us. It’s too sad to even think about. But it must be done. A decision must be made.


So yesterday we made a list. A list containing the names of 4 couples that we know and could trust to raise our child. 
I’ve taken into consideration things like:

Lifestyle: Would having Zoie completely change the lifestyle they are currently living? Of course, but the real question is; Would they be resentful of us? Or more importantly, Zoie, if she were to upset their lifestyle?


Financial Stability: Could they care for Zoie financially? We would obviously leave money behind to care for Zoie in her day to day life for the following years until she becomes an adult. Can I trust said person to correctly allot said money to Zoie and not for themselves? If they are on my list I know I can trust them now, but money changes things… doesn’t it? 


Occupation: What kind of job do they have? Is it safe? There are two families on my list that have jobs with questionable safety issues. Even though I am sure they would care for Zoie and do everything they could to love and protect her and raise her to be a good person, do I want her to worry that her new “parent” wouldn’t be coming home from work? Would she be left alone again?

LOVE: The most important issue to me. Would said person love and nurture and care for Zoie as if she was their own? Yet teach her and show her that she is from someone else? Would they tell Zoie stories of her parents and teach her how we lived and the kind of people we were? Would they try to instill a bit of us in her when we can’t?



Current Family Situation: Would Zoie, coming into a new family change the dynamic of said family? Would her presence be resented by other children? I would hate for her to grow up in a house where the birth children of these adults we love and trust so much treated her badly? How would we even know this? Are they people that could see the signs if she struggled and tried to remedy the situation? Or would they come to eventually turn on her because she was causing problems for their children and be forced to change her situation because of the harm that having her is making on their family?

Age: I know… age is just a number. Age should almost never matter. But in this situation it matters a great deal. Do we want Zoie going to someone that is older than the average parent? Knowing that when she graduates from high school they could be in their 70’s. Knowing that there is always a chance that said person or people could ‘go’ early and leave her alone once again?


You see my dilemma? How did you make this decision? I could really use some input. How do I decide? How do you choose someone to raise your child when the only person you want or can see raising her is you? It’s heartbreaking to say the least. 

Last questions: What about the people you don’t choose? Do they resent you? Do they get angry because you didn’t choose them?

The first time we left Zoie, when Zach and I flew somewhere without her… I sent a text to my mom that said if our plane crashed she was to care for Zoie. That text is still in effect until this decision is made. 

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1 Comment

  • Reply
    Kristine Foley
    March 6, 2013 at 2:56 pm

    Sometimes it sucks being an adult to make hard decisions. Weve had these conversations as well…

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