We all have complex relationships in our lives. I for one, have several. The biggest one of these is the friendship I have developed with my husband’s ex-wife. Strange? Yes. Worth it? Absolutely. Some days…
I will be the first to admit that it is a bit unorthodox to be friends with this woman. My husband did not have a friendly split with her and the last ten years have NOT been easy to say the least. But I have seen it done with others and I always hoped that we could get to this place. In the last several months, we have developed a mutual kinship through the girls. I am actually sorry that we couldn’t develop this relationship sooner. If for nothing else but to give our kids a sense of camaraderie.
For years, to say that we didn’t get along, would be a huge understatement. I am ashamed to admit that I hated her. I hated the way she treated me. I hated the way she treated my husband. And I hated the way she treated the kids when it came to me and the relationship I had with them. I can’t begin to imagine or tell you how she truly felt about me. I am not in her mind, and can’t imagine the hurtful feelings she must have felt at having another woman come into the lives of her children and co-parent.
But that is what we have done, isn’t it? Co-parent.
Today, I am pleased to say that over the last year or so we have developed our relationship. We have grown to put our negative feelings and thoughts on the back burner. Take things with a grain of salt so to speak.
We have gone from ignoring each others wishes and thoughts to truly (hopefully) listening to each others feelings and concerns. We have learned that we will disagree at times and it’s better to agree to disagree than to argue and get angry. We’ve stopped standing on the other side of the room from each other pretending the other isn’t there to spending quality time together with the girls. As a family.
That is what we are isn’t it? We are a family. You know how people say, “You can’t choose your family”. Well, I didn’t choose her, but I chose her kids. And for that, she is a part of my family. I only hope that she feels the same about me.